WARNING!

Do not proceed lightly.

Quick backstory.  Judy (my wife) and I will be hitting our 15th year of marriage in 2010.  We’ve been dating for 20 years.  Yep, high school sweethearts.  Six kids.  We’ve committed to having Judy home with the kids, including homeschooling all of them.  We’ve made ministry (primarily youth ministry) our pursuit, our mission, our lifestyle.  That’s the setting of our marriage story.  That’s where we’ve found ourselves in the larger story.  And along come John and Stasi Eldredge.  First it was “Wild at Heart”.  As a farm boy, this book put words to my life and set my heart on the mission for young boys, teenagers and men.  Then, we experienced “Sacred Romance” and “Desire” together.  Transforming.  Enter “Captivating”.  (I read it first.  Guys, take a hint.)  Judy went to Colorado.  On the phone from the airport returning home, Judy’s voice is quivering.  “It was the most incredible weekend of my life.”  She couldn’t say more.  We opened our house to “Epic” and 25 people on Sunday nights for 8 weeks.  Without a doubt, there is an anointing happening with the work “Ransomed Heart” is doing and we’re honored (and deeply challenged) to an ally on the Canadian front.

“Love and War” (http://www.loveandwar.net) is the most recent release of John and Stasi Eldredge.  Their tagline is “Finding the Marriage You Dreamed Of“.  Let me say right off the bat, I AM NOT a fan of marriage books.  In fact, they make me gag a bit.  For the most part, I feel like the typical marriage book is a re-hash of my Psychology 324 class.  Communication, money, kids, “his” time, “her” time, blah, blah, blah.  Theory.  Tips.  Were these authors really married?  And, mark my words, it’s only because of the credibility John and Stasi have built up with us that we picked up “Love and War”.  And within the first pages, I realized I was reading something very different.  The first chapter “Remembering What We Wanted”, set me back on my heels.  What did I want in marriage?  When I first proposed, I was 20.  Our church required us to take a marriage preparation course (oh the wisdom!).  As one of the exercises, we were to individually lay out goals for our marriage.  When Judy and I came back together to compare notes, I was hit with the stark realization that all of the goals I listed were my goals.  Goals for me.  Judy had got it.  I had missed it.  Upon reading the first chapter, I was forced to confront this again, from another angle.

At that point, Judy and I agreed to read it together.  One chapter at a time.  A significant task in itself.  This has been the most significant journey we have made together as a couple in terms of our sharing and realizations.

BUT I HAVE TO WARN YOU.

We woke up one Sunday morning (Our major quiet time together. 2 hours, coffee and tea, no kids.) having been through roughly half of the book.  And Judy said, “I don’t know if I want to read any further.“  We were coming to a realization.  We have an incredible relationship, truly blessed.  Forged by a lot of fire in ministry.  But with six kids, a significant mission, a business on the side and a very active marriage relationship we had been fatigued and this book was waking us up to EVEN MORE life.  Depth.  Hunger for each other.  Intentionality.  Difficult conversations.  Deeper prayer.  It had exposed us, as a couple, to each other.  It had exposed us, as a couple, before God.  And it was raising some serious questions and deep (sometimes difficult) conversations.  What is our shared adventure?  How do I hold myself back from her?  What do I ask from her that I need to get from God?  Incredible depth.  And healing.

John and Stasi have presented “Love and War” as a very vulnerable look into their lives as a couple.  Their stories are real.  There is an edge to their honesty that will prompt you to ask the question “Am I willing to risk this with my spouse?“.

I believe it’s God’s promise that his presence and blessing is directly proportional to our willingness to risk.  With that promise in mind, I want to give you the utmost confidence and blessing to undertake this book with your spouse.  Or, if they may not be ready, begin it on your own.  It will raise your awareness toward them and you will begin to see doors open.

My deepest thanks to John and Stasi.  The fullest of blessings on you and your boys and their future wives.

God’s after two things in us, during our time here.  He’s after our hearts and after our healing.  God desires our hearts to come alive with our deepest desires and to bring those to bear on the world.  And he desperately wants to see us restored, our hurts healed.  The two go hand in hand.  And he accomplishes this differently in men and in woman.  For men, our restoration comes in the form of a journey, a series of events of initiation.  In these events we uncover the love of a True Father, that shapes us into men.  For women, restoration comes primarily through relationship and beauty.  To be truly seen and recognized as vital and beautiful, women come to the fullest understanding of God’s image in them.  In the coming weeks, we will share together and alone, as men and as women, who and how God is awakening and restoring our hearts.

Join us on Sunday nights for the next 8 weeks or so as the men and women share together and separately, just what God is after in our lives.  For more, click here: Sunday night gatherings.

Every once in awhile, I meet someone who is well into their senior years.  And within a few seconds, it becomes very apparent that they are an Elder not just older.  Can you relate?

I had the honor of visiting with a true Elder today.  His name (as I know him) is Father Jean Paul.  He is an 85 year old missionary priest.

Pause.  Note:  We have completely lost the value of the word “missionary”. A true missionary is on a mission.  This involves a quest.  Danger.  Allies and enemies.  Search and rescue.  Difficulty.  Returning home.  A real mission!  This describes the man I got to know today.  He lived with and fought for the hearts of the people of the deep north.  He remembers traveling from village to village by dog sled, across the tundra.  He prayed, with nothing but faith, at the bedside of his dying people.  He saw life birthed from harshness.  He lived true community.  A true missionary.

He asked me questions with a sharpness of mind that belied his aging body.  As I shared with him my family and the ages of my kids, he grinned.  I paused and waited for him to speak.  (Hint – In the presence of an Elder, spend about 80% of your time listening.  15% asking questions and 5% remembering what they said.)

In his pause he said,

“When you are raising boys you need this…” and he raised his fists in an honorable stance, like an old style French boxer. “Power.”

“To raise girls, you need this…” and he lifted a bony finger and tapped his temple.  “Understanding.”

Oh, what it is to sit at the feet of a man who willing shares his years of wisdom.  Seek it out.  And listen carefully.

I’ve been thinking of you often.  Stay awake!

Blessings.

Doug

The warrior, clad in blood-stained buckskin, stands ready, eyes scanning the surrounding hills. His face, marked with the warpaint of his clan, betrays his fatigue. He lives. Others have fallen, and the day is not yet done. His stance is poised, lance in hand. A deep gash on his thigh has clotted and sealed. Behind him, and to his left and to his right, are his brothers, each maintaining their vigilant watch. They form the perimeter around their village. Within are the elders and the women and children. And other warriors. But he and his brothers are no ordinary warriors. They are cut from a distinct cloth. For if you look down on the ankle of each of these warriors, you will find a commitment, a resolve. Around each ankle is a red sash, tied and running to a hardwood stake driven deep in the ground. Strongheart warriors. Named and chosen by their clan. Their commitment is their life. Here he stands to fight, until victory or until death. When the Enemy comes and presses in, threatening family and village, it is He who stands, staked, and says “This far. No further.”

And so it is today, in a society bereft of warriors, there are those few who have staked themselves to the ground standing against the tide of attacks on our children, our young people, our women and our men. So many live in a world without hope, suffering the bewilderment of a life of wounds. Oh, my friends, the Enemy’s sword has struck deeply. The perimeter has been breached. The heart of the village and the hearts of His people have been compromised. But our tethers are long and lances sharp. We will strike at the heart of the Enemy and show him…

“This far. No further.”

To my brothers in battle – John, Daniel, Tom, Msgr. Dale, Wilf, Malcolm, Wes – cover me. I’m goin’ in.

Going where called,
Doing what is asked.

Doug

Good morning! Oh my Lord. There is SO much in my little ol’ pea brain right now! Right now, I wanted to share with you that if your group, company, church or other organization is in need of some renewal, focus, vision or bonding, Judy and I are available for a very limited number of speaking and facilitation engagements in the next year!

We want to hear from you and see if there is a place we can serve you and your mission. From one hour consultations to three day retreats.

Please contact us and book early!

We can cover any number of topics. Have a look around the blog and you’ll get an idea of our vision and mission.

E-mail me at intothewilderness@gmail.com.

Looking forward!

Doug and Judy