WARNING!

Do not proceed lightly.

Quick backstory.  Judy (my wife) and I will be hitting our 15th year of marriage in 2010.  We’ve been dating for 20 years.  Yep, high school sweethearts.  Six kids.  We’ve committed to having Judy home with the kids, including homeschooling all of them.  We’ve made ministry (primarily youth ministry) our pursuit, our mission, our lifestyle.  That’s the setting of our marriage story.  That’s where we’ve found ourselves in the larger story.  And along come John and Stasi Eldredge.  First it was “Wild at Heart”.  As a farm boy, this book put words to my life and set my heart on the mission for young boys, teenagers and men.  Then, we experienced “Sacred Romance” and “Desire” together.  Transforming.  Enter “Captivating”.  (I read it first.  Guys, take a hint.)  Judy went to Colorado.  On the phone from the airport returning home, Judy’s voice is quivering.  “It was the most incredible weekend of my life.”  She couldn’t say more.  We opened our house to “Epic” and 25 people on Sunday nights for 8 weeks.  Without a doubt, there is an anointing happening with the work “Ransomed Heart” is doing and we’re honored (and deeply challenged) to an ally on the Canadian front.

“Love and War” (http://www.loveandwar.net) is the most recent release of John and Stasi Eldredge.  Their tagline is “Finding the Marriage You Dreamed Of“.  Let me say right off the bat, I AM NOT a fan of marriage books.  In fact, they make me gag a bit.  For the most part, I feel like the typical marriage book is a re-hash of my Psychology 324 class.  Communication, money, kids, “his” time, “her” time, blah, blah, blah.  Theory.  Tips.  Were these authors really married?  And, mark my words, it’s only because of the credibility John and Stasi have built up with us that we picked up “Love and War”.  And within the first pages, I realized I was reading something very different.  The first chapter “Remembering What We Wanted”, set me back on my heels.  What did I want in marriage?  When I first proposed, I was 20.  Our church required us to take a marriage preparation course (oh the wisdom!).  As one of the exercises, we were to individually lay out goals for our marriage.  When Judy and I came back together to compare notes, I was hit with the stark realization that all of the goals I listed were my goals.  Goals for me.  Judy had got it.  I had missed it.  Upon reading the first chapter, I was forced to confront this again, from another angle.

At that point, Judy and I agreed to read it together.  One chapter at a time.  A significant task in itself.  This has been the most significant journey we have made together as a couple in terms of our sharing and realizations.

BUT I HAVE TO WARN YOU.

We woke up one Sunday morning (Our major quiet time together. 2 hours, coffee and tea, no kids.) having been through roughly half of the book.  And Judy said, “I don’t know if I want to read any further.“  We were coming to a realization.  We have an incredible relationship, truly blessed.  Forged by a lot of fire in ministry.  But with six kids, a significant mission, a business on the side and a very active marriage relationship we had been fatigued and this book was waking us up to EVEN MORE life.  Depth.  Hunger for each other.  Intentionality.  Difficult conversations.  Deeper prayer.  It had exposed us, as a couple, to each other.  It had exposed us, as a couple, before God.  And it was raising some serious questions and deep (sometimes difficult) conversations.  What is our shared adventure?  How do I hold myself back from her?  What do I ask from her that I need to get from God?  Incredible depth.  And healing.

John and Stasi have presented “Love and War” as a very vulnerable look into their lives as a couple.  Their stories are real.  There is an edge to their honesty that will prompt you to ask the question “Am I willing to risk this with my spouse?“.

I believe it’s God’s promise that his presence and blessing is directly proportional to our willingness to risk.  With that promise in mind, I want to give you the utmost confidence and blessing to undertake this book with your spouse.  Or, if they may not be ready, begin it on your own.  It will raise your awareness toward them and you will begin to see doors open.

My deepest thanks to John and Stasi.  The fullest of blessings on you and your boys and their future wives.

God’s after two things in us, during our time here.  He’s after our hearts and after our healing.  God desires our hearts to come alive with our deepest desires and to bring those to bear on the world.  And he desperately wants to see us restored, our hurts healed.  The two go hand in hand.  And he accomplishes this differently in men and in woman.  For men, our restoration comes in the form of a journey, a series of events of initiation.  In these events we uncover the love of a True Father, that shapes us into men.  For women, restoration comes primarily through relationship and beauty.  To be truly seen and recognized as vital and beautiful, women come to the fullest understanding of God’s image in them.  In the coming weeks, we will share together and alone, as men and as women, who and how God is awakening and restoring our hearts.

Join us on Sunday nights for the next 8 weeks or so as the men and women share together and separately, just what God is after in our lives.  For more, click here: Sunday night gatherings.

Good morning! Oh my Lord. There is SO much in my little ol’ pea brain right now! Right now, I wanted to share with you that if your group, company, church or other organization is in need of some renewal, focus, vision or bonding, Judy and I are available for a very limited number of speaking and facilitation engagements in the next year!

We want to hear from you and see if there is a place we can serve you and your mission. From one hour consultations to three day retreats.

Please contact us and book early!

We can cover any number of topics. Have a look around the blog and you’ll get an idea of our vision and mission.

E-mail me at intothewilderness@gmail.com.

Looking forward!

Doug and Judy

I know (KNOW!) that this title got you curious. Part of you said “EWWW…no way! I do NOT want to know!” But a part of your brain, tucked backed in the primitive recesses of your ancestral urgings forced your finger to click on the link to find your way here. Perhaps it wasn’t even completely conscious but suddenly, you found yourself staring at this potentially scandalous post.

Yes, I know. Six kids. Who’s got time to talk?!

Well, Judy and I do. And it’s the nights where we put sleep off just a little longer so we can share some of our deepest thoughts from the day.

And the other night was just such a night.

I couldn’t even tell you the context of the conversation or what it was all about. But I know we were talking about the grind of day to day life and the choices we get to make. Sometimes those choices, while completely ours, we make them nearly unconsciously. Or we make them in such a fit of frenzied activity that we give them little attention.

We choose how we react to the latest cup of spilled milk. We choose to spend our evening surfing Crackbook. We choose anger over patience. We choose hurried-ness over attentiveness. We spend a large portion of our day choosing by reaction rather than decision.

And it was in the midst of this conversation that Judy dropped this one simple statement.

“How we live our days is how we live our lives.”

And it hung there in the air. Like a delicate down feather. Perfectly quiet and yet full of presence.

And at the end of our lives, we have all lived them one day at a time.

I’m going to go give my kids a real kiss goodnight.

For you all,

Doug and Judy

(My wife is a wise women. She is a blessing to me, day in and day out.  I love you Judy.)