This may be the hardest video you’ll ever sit through.

The whisper of a familiar voice and the tapping on my lower leg awakened me in the wee willy winky light of pre-dawn.

(**IMPORTANT NOTE** – For those readers unfamiliar with my family, my wife and I are the joyous and sleep-deprived parents of six beautiful children ranging in age from 4 months up to 14 years. Three boys and three girls.  This is a little story from our past night-time adventures.  I remember it fondly.  I remember how much I love kids.  I love my kids.)

“Doug….”

“Doug……Jonathan is with you, right?”

“Huh?”

“Are you sleeping with Jonathan?”

You see, on any given night in our house, there is a complicated game of musical beds going on. It is a dance of parents and children and beds which often includes a dog, an E-Z chair and a couch. On this particular night, in the midst of our packing, we have also re-arranged said beds to clean and store until we can move. This involved the rearrangement of the room that contains our 17 month old son, Jonathan, and our 4 and 7 year old daughters, Kateri and Gabrielle. Simply, the girls have been sleeping in bunk beds for several years and they have requested to have “side-by-side beds so we can talk and tell stories”. Cute right? Right. Jonathan has been, up to this point, in a crib. Sorry, let me re-phrase. There is a crib in this room that Jonathan occassionally occupies. Last night, we pulled the bunks apart, put them both on ground level, took apart the crib and put the crib mattress on the floor between the now dual single beds. A rite of passage to be sure, the transition from crib to bed. But no ceremony or four day fast or anything. This is, after all, the fifth time we’ve done it. We kept it simple. All three kids were thrilled. And, around 11:00pm they were all actually in their respective beds making us believe they were sleeping. Enter 5 am.

“No. Jonathan isn’t with me. You got him last night when he cried. Kateri is here beside me.”

Honestly, I couldn’t answer this question without first patting down Kateri from head to toe. She could have been any one of three children. I then proceeded to pat down the bed to my left and at my feet. And, a thorough search is not complete until I check the floor beside the bed. After which I confirmed…

“No hon, Jonathan isn’t here.”

A small discussion ensued here about who picked up who and put who back and where. These details are often obscure and based mostly on what we thought we did that night.

“I can’t find him. He’s not in his bed.”

“Weird.” I thought. But nothing to get too excited about. I rolled over and let Judy look for him. Often it’s just a matter of moving a sheet or lifting a pillow and the missing, sleeping child is found. But, not the case this bleary eyed morn.

After 30 seconds of Judy being unable to locate him, I went into investigator mode. I grabbed my Garrity LED Tactical Flashlight (http://www.garritylites.com/) and began my search.

Now, I must admit, as cool and calm as I am, the thoughts still go through my head. My fifth born child, who we safely tucked in last night, is missing, six hours of darkness and silence later. Did he wander the house and fall down the stairs? Kidnapped and ransomed for our fortune? Sleeping in the dog’s nest? Did the aliens come for him as they once came for me?

As a warrior, the calm mind, the deep mind must always prevail so these thoughts, through intense and rigorous training, are pushed down, allowing clarity to prevail. I first played my flashlights beam over the floor of our bedroom, moving aside piles of clothes and books, lifting laundry baskets and hampers. Nothing.

I proceed to the PLS. In search and rescue operations, this is the “point-last-seen”. It’s where we first begin looking for tracks and sign of the missing subject. I cleared off the blankets, pillows and stuffed animals. The crib mattress was indeed empty. I got down on it on my hands and knees. And then I saw it. Could it be? I highlighted the tiny foot with my flashlight beam. Reaching under my oldest daughters single bed, I confirmed it. The foot belonged to Jonathan! Thankfully, it wasn’t just his foot. I traced my hand up his body and bent over low to have a good look. With the side of my head on the floor, I could see the full form of his body. As any good dad would do, I tickled his foot to see that he was responsive. He shifted slightly and I secretly breathed a sigh of relief. Sound asleep.

What did I do next? Well, when a 17 month old male whirlwind is sleeping soundly, and there is no clear and present danger to his person, you leave him sleep. I returned to our bed and reported my findings. The child was sleeping and safe, under the bed. Not a word was said after that. My wife knows the value of sleep, ours and theirs, better than even I.

As I said, I’m not ready to be out of the crib yet.

After a significant labor of eight hours at home, we left for the hospital at 11pm yesterday.  We were extremely thankful and pleased to be accompanied by our friend, Elder and doula, Maureane.  She was a beautiful source of encouragement, wisdom and stories.  By the time Judy was in her gown and being monitored she had gone into full active labor.  By 1:30am, our new baby was safely here.

There is a breath-taking set of moments when a baby first emerges.  Today, it was a mixture of joyful surprise seeing it was a new baby girl and desperate hope that she was healthy and vital.  When those first cries come, tears have never failed me.  Today, during that moment, all of your prayers and support and encouragement came to bear, leaving Judy and I both so grateful for your presence in our lives and the influence you have in the hearts of our kids.

It’s been a long night and day so I’ll let a couple of pictures speak and I will write more later.  Thank you so much for being a part of our journey.

Hannah Therese Kramer

July 22, 2009

7 lbs. 5 oz.

I sat to pray and talk to God this morning.  Man, my heart is so full right now.  Full with worry, excitement, impatience, desire, frustration, ideas, heartache, Vision.  SO much of me right now wants to just lay down and rest. To STOP. Everything. Except Judy and the kids. I just want all the time and energy I have to go there. But I feel the drive, the pull, to our Wild at Heart trip for men in November, to a Vision of the ranch, to our growing online business, to building a true community, to getting in top physical shape.  So deep.  I feel God’s call to all of it.  I love it.  It’s incredible to be tapped into that wellspring.  But, like hypothermia, as the cold drains strength, the desire becomes strong to just lay down and rest.  Give up and give in. But give in to what?  The slumber is the kiss of death.   It’s a resignation.  A false contentment.  Dispassionate and apathetic.   It is a giving of life over to death.  And like the hypothermic slumber, life can go cold.  We fall asleep.  We become falsely content with chasing mediocrity.  There is a strong likelihood that we haven’t actually ever been really awake.  Or we’ve known moments of “awake-ness” but haven’t had the strength or the people around us to maintain it.  So we long to go back to sleep.

Like Cypher in “The Matrix”.  He was wakened by Morpheus and was called into a titanic struggle for the hearts and minds of other people.  Their mission, as a crew, was to pull people out of the Matrix and invite them into a real existence, in a community that was truly alive.  But Cypher became jaded.  Watch the clip in the sidebar to the right.  Or click here to watch it on YouTube.

Surrounded by wine, steak and a fine cigar, Cypher makes a deal to go back to sleep.  “I don’t want to remember nothing.  NOTHING.  You hear me?”

Let the Matrix take over again.

But I can’t.  (Actually, I can.  You can too.)  We can choose sleep.  (In fact, we need to choose rest.  But they are two different things.)  We can choose mediocrity.  We can choose all those things that we think give us life but actually keep us asleep.

Grandfather spoke about those things that stir our hearts awake to the reality of an unseen and eternal life.  From his native language to English, he translated it as “Inner Vision” or “The Voice of God”.  He said the Voice of God gives us Vision for our lives, our true purpose.  And then he said:

“A person who is not living their Vision is living death.”

And I remember.  I begin to remember why I can’t fall asleep.  Because it would mean death.  It would mean ignoring Vision.  It would mean ceasing to live for others.  Death by selfishness.  Death by numbness.  Death by mediocrity.

I can’t do it.  I won’t do it.

One foot in front of the other.  Stay awake.  Stay alert for the needs of others and rise up to meet them.  Fight.  Live.  Pray.  Listen.  Laugh.  Love.  And wake up the next morning to do it again.

Little Jonathan has come through yet another malady with flying colors. Thank you so much for your prayers. Not only did the followup appointments go swimmingly but God used the time for Jonathan and I to really connect and love each other. He was completely comfortable and satisfied that it was “dad” doing the loving and holding and soothing. This is an important thing for me and for so many fathers. Sometimes it seems the only attention the kids give is to their mom, especially while still feeding. I’m loving the way this has all drawn me and my boy closer.

And, it was a time of journaling and letting God speak. We are so eager to fill our quiet time or waiting time with something. Car rides, bus rides, waiting rooms, lineups.  We pop in our ear-buds and let so many “false prophets” and “God-wanna-be’s” fill our ears. Twice now in the past couple of days, I have turned on the radio or picked up a magazine to fill some space or kill some time. And both times the hollowness has rung out like a bell. Drivel. Meaningless pish-posh. Pablum. All I wanted, all I craved, was to hear God’s voice. I didn’t want to pray or request or complain or give thanks. I just wanted to listen and allow him to come for my heart. The Psalm response I heard so often as a child echoed in my head. “Lord you have the words of everlasting life.” And come God did. These past months have been filled with instances of being romanced and cared for by our Creator. Miracles big and small. Words of affirmation and comfort. Reassurance.

And as I reflect, I see me holding Jonathan through his needs and whispering into his ear words of comfort, stroking his hair. And, I see God holding me through my needs, providing for everything, giving in abundance and whispering words of life into my ear.

“Our Father, who is in heaven, blessed be your name.”

Going where called,
Doing what is asked,

Doug

Beginning in the fall of 2009, our team of people, including me (Doug) and my wife (Judy) want to begin hosting a morning gathering for adults in their 20’s and 30’s – college, university, working or otherwise.  Throughout the past years, we have been fortunate enough to see so many incredible high school teenagers grow into young adults, leave high school and begin a new life.  And, through this transition, we have had many of these fine people – maybe even you – sit with us in our living room, backyard, supper table or over a cup of java, and tell us that you need something.  You have expressed a true desire to talk about the great things happening your life, and feel supported by others when things aren’t so great.  You still want to talk about issues of life and faith, your careers and hopes and dreams, your deepest longings.  You still want a place where you can really be yourself.  And, more than ever, you want to be connected to others who are in the same kind of life space as you.

Our mission has led us to share this possibility with you and seek your input.  Ultimately, we can have a whole lot of great ideas but if they don’t meet your needs, they are vain.  We need you to answer a few questions for us.  If the need we have heard from you is real, they we are putting ourselves at your complete disposal to help you create and connect and begin something truly life-giving for all of us.

Would you, if you are interested IN THE LEAST, send us an e-mail with these questions and your answers?  Be totally honest and straightforward.  We will hold your answers in complete confidence.

Copy and paste the question in blue into your e-mail and send them to:

java-at-intothewilderness-dot-com (remove the dashes, add the @ and .)

Describe the closest community that you feel a part of.

What are some things you wish you could talk openly about?  Examples might include relationships, faith, money, pressure, busy-ness, etc.

What part of your life do you really need support right now?  Again, total honesty and in total confidence.

If you were to name the three things in your life that you spend the most time, thought and energy on, what would they be?

If time, money and life allowed no restrictions, would those three things change?  What would they change to?

Would you like to have a time once each week where we would reserve a coffee house and you could gather with other adults like you and have a coffee (or tea or Italian soda) and just enjoy talking and connecting and being supported?

If you answered “yes” then the only other thing we want to know is what time of the week would be your preference?

We truly look forward to hearing from you!

P.S. This is a collaborative effort of Judy and myself, along with our current mission team, Oblate Youth Ministries.

Sincerely,
Doug and Judy

(Mike, Dan and Dana!)

Watch our video and send me an e-mail!

“Were going to say a prayer right here. Lord thank you very much for giving us the opportunity to change lives again. We will not let you down. In Jesus’ name – amen.”

“Now let’s go get the motherf—–.”

I had the pleasure of going to hear and see the infamous “Dog the Bounty Hunter” speak the other night at the River Cree Resort (Thanks Suede!).  Talk about a cult following.  There were people there ranging from the piss ‘n vinegar, wannabe, MMA (mixed martial arts) tattoo freaks to 76 year old grandma and grandpa’s.  Not to mention half the crowd who showed up to see Dog’s wife, Beth, who has her own following.  About 2000 people gathered to hear the famous Christian bounty hunter share war stories of his exploits hunting down all manner of felons, from rapists to drug dealers.

I knew going in that Dog was Christian.  I also knew he lived a rough life, and what I would call, “morally flexible” in some cases.  I wasn’t prepared for the depth and the conviction of his sharing in such an obviously secular and public venue.  But the Dog didn’t hold a word back.  He clearly spoke of his prayer life, his hard times, accounts of God stepping in and saving his bacon.  And he spoke honestly of his fallen person – his crime in the 70’s, his swearing and his relationships.  And, honestly, as a public and motivational speaker, he wasn’t at all eloquent or even prepared.

And herein lies my point.  We live in a world of “perfect Christianity”.  A world where you can only comfortably and confidently call yourself a Christian if you’ve “got it figured out” and you’ve “rooted out the sin in your life”.  Fact of the matter is, right after Christ left this earth, His church was a church of immoral and fallen people trying to live and love others the way He lived and loved others.  We now live a version of camouflage Christianity where you go to church on Sunday, hide all the crap in your life for one hour, and then go home and start living reality again.

Dog is a Christian.  Hands down.  He’s doing stuff wrong.  He’s imperfect.  But he’s got something over on 95% of the church-going folk that I know.  He’s taking action as God has stirred something in him.  He’s doing something with the change God’s affected in his life. He’s in it!  He’s engaged!  He’s taking risks!  Yes, he cusses alot.  That’s the world he lives and runs in!  That’s the language of the crime culture he’s witnessing to.  It’s absolutely both completely forgivable and completely necessary for his mission.

²⁰To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. ²¹To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. ²²To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. ²³I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.

God bless Dog and Beth and all his family.  If only we approached our Christian calling with the same “go git ‘em” attitude of the Dog.

Love it?  Hate it?  Leave me a comment.
Doug

There are times when others just say it better. Today, I would like to quote a very special man who has changed my life through his life in Christ.

Recently, he was asked about the losses we suffer in our lives. For all of you suffering great loss, I pray his words give you comfort.

Going where called,
Doing what is asked,

Doug

*******
The other day [Eddie] asked Father Dale this question: “How would you advise a person who has suffered a great loss in their life?” I was so taken by his response that I wanted to share this with others.

Loss is part of life. It happens everyday. Right from the time we grow up we are losing things, and losing people in our lives. We learn to handle it as part of “growing up”. We can’t have and we can’t keep everything we want.

There are a few times in our lives where we face great loss. This is something different. Great loss, such as the death of a loved one, a divorce, loss of a job etc. can rip our hearts out. When it happens, it hurts on a level deeper than we thought we could feel. Great loss RE-ARRANGES our lives. Usually, it re-arranges our lives AGAINST our wills and desires. When our lives get re-arranged we can fight or we can embrace it. To embrace it, we need the gift of COURAGE. Courage is a grace, it is a gift, it is an option. When we choose courage, we can experience GOD. God didn’t necessarily cause our re-arrangement….but God does not abandon us. He makes himself present.

In my own life, loss has been heavy. But the gifts in my life were abundant. When they were taken away, the last thing I wanted to do was to try to be courageous. But, God was there. God is there.

Because of my own loss, my heart aches for those who suffer loss. Without my own loss, I don’t think I would have understood it so deeply. I can feel for others, like I never did before. That is good. I also have become aware that there were many people in my life who have never suffered real loss. They are the ones who no longer want to be friends. They don’t get it. But someday, they will suffer LOSS. I pray that I will be able to be there for them, with true compassion and love.

Loss doesn’t always make sense. But, it’s part of life. Courage doesn’t always make sense either. But, it’s a great way to meet a God who courageously died for us.

RED BLUE ORANGE BLACK GREEN PURPLE

YELLOW PINK RED BROWN BLUE YELLOW

I love this. Here is your job: name the colors of the following words. Do NOT read the words…rather, say the color of the words. For example, for the word BLUE, you should say “RED”. Say the colors as fast as you can.

Messed up huh? Yeah. Me too. Check out this link. You can run a timer game and see how long it takes you to read the words and then a second time of how long it takes you to say the colors. My first times were 10 seconds (just reading) and 31 seconds (saying colors).

If I just relaxed and looked at the words like shapes instead of letters and I tuned out the “reading” part of my brain, I could really start to cruise. But as soon as I saw letters, that’s it, I fumbled. I stuttered. Like a real brain fart style stutter. I’d say the first sound of a word four times and it felt like I was doing my best “Rain Man” impression. I looked ridiculous! But then I took another deep breath, relaxed and just saw the colors and said them. Easy.

God is that simple. And that complex. Look at God today. And instead of saying “God”. Say His color. And let the color be His will for your life. Relax. Breathe. Yes.

Going where called.
Doing what is asked.

Doug