WARNING!

Do not proceed lightly.

Quick backstory.  Judy (my wife) and I will be hitting our 15th year of marriage in 2010.  We’ve been dating for 20 years.  Yep, high school sweethearts.  Six kids.  We’ve committed to having Judy home with the kids, including homeschooling all of them.  We’ve made ministry (primarily youth ministry) our pursuit, our mission, our lifestyle.  That’s the setting of our marriage story.  That’s where we’ve found ourselves in the larger story.  And along come John and Stasi Eldredge.  First it was “Wild at Heart”.  As a farm boy, this book put words to my life and set my heart on the mission for young boys, teenagers and men.  Then, we experienced “Sacred Romance” and “Desire” together.  Transforming.  Enter “Captivating”.  (I read it first.  Guys, take a hint.)  Judy went to Colorado.  On the phone from the airport returning home, Judy’s voice is quivering.  “It was the most incredible weekend of my life.”  She couldn’t say more.  We opened our house to “Epic” and 25 people on Sunday nights for 8 weeks.  Without a doubt, there is an anointing happening with the work “Ransomed Heart” is doing and we’re honored (and deeply challenged) to an ally on the Canadian front.

“Love and War” (http://www.loveandwar.net) is the most recent release of John and Stasi Eldredge.  Their tagline is “Finding the Marriage You Dreamed Of“.  Let me say right off the bat, I AM NOT a fan of marriage books.  In fact, they make me gag a bit.  For the most part, I feel like the typical marriage book is a re-hash of my Psychology 324 class.  Communication, money, kids, “his” time, “her” time, blah, blah, blah.  Theory.  Tips.  Were these authors really married?  And, mark my words, it’s only because of the credibility John and Stasi have built up with us that we picked up “Love and War”.  And within the first pages, I realized I was reading something very different.  The first chapter “Remembering What We Wanted”, set me back on my heels.  What did I want in marriage?  When I first proposed, I was 20.  Our church required us to take a marriage preparation course (oh the wisdom!).  As one of the exercises, we were to individually lay out goals for our marriage.  When Judy and I came back together to compare notes, I was hit with the stark realization that all of the goals I listed were my goals.  Goals for me.  Judy had got it.  I had missed it.  Upon reading the first chapter, I was forced to confront this again, from another angle.

At that point, Judy and I agreed to read it together.  One chapter at a time.  A significant task in itself.  This has been the most significant journey we have made together as a couple in terms of our sharing and realizations.

BUT I HAVE TO WARN YOU.

We woke up one Sunday morning (Our major quiet time together. 2 hours, coffee and tea, no kids.) having been through roughly half of the book.  And Judy said, “I don’t know if I want to read any further.“  We were coming to a realization.  We have an incredible relationship, truly blessed.  Forged by a lot of fire in ministry.  But with six kids, a significant mission, a business on the side and a very active marriage relationship we had been fatigued and this book was waking us up to EVEN MORE life.  Depth.  Hunger for each other.  Intentionality.  Difficult conversations.  Deeper prayer.  It had exposed us, as a couple, to each other.  It had exposed us, as a couple, before God.  And it was raising some serious questions and deep (sometimes difficult) conversations.  What is our shared adventure?  How do I hold myself back from her?  What do I ask from her that I need to get from God?  Incredible depth.  And healing.

John and Stasi have presented “Love and War” as a very vulnerable look into their lives as a couple.  Their stories are real.  There is an edge to their honesty that will prompt you to ask the question “Am I willing to risk this with my spouse?“.

I believe it’s God’s promise that his presence and blessing is directly proportional to our willingness to risk.  With that promise in mind, I want to give you the utmost confidence and blessing to undertake this book with your spouse.  Or, if they may not be ready, begin it on your own.  It will raise your awareness toward them and you will begin to see doors open.

My deepest thanks to John and Stasi.  The fullest of blessings on you and your boys and their future wives.